When You Were Young…


Lately since I’ve had some time away from work, I’ve been lucky enough to have been able to reflect upon my life to date. I think back to my younger self and where I expected to be at 24-years-old. When I was a child, I was very involved in theatre, loved the spotlight, and dreamt of being an actress. I was that little girl who would practice her academy award acceptance speech in the mirror while putting on my mother’s lipstick. I think back to myself during college as I carefully planned out the major milestones I saw ahead, largely because they were what was expected of me next: career, marriage, and a family. Did I think that with nearly a quarter-century of life under my belt, I would be single, broke, living in a studio apartment with no where near enough closet space, and in between jobs trying to figure myself out? Wasn’t exactly in my plan.

It’s amazing how our desires and dreams change so drastically during our different phases. I’ve discovered just how hard life truly is. You are going to break down and you are going to feel incredibly alone as certain seasons, comforts, and people come and go. But as each rough patches end, there inevitably comes a lesson learned and a change that is embraced as a result.

For the last two years, I haven’t been aware of it or even wanted to admit it, but I’ve been healing a very broken heart. I got drinks with an older man several weeks ago and as we enjoyed a few cucumber martini’s, he decided to open up the “ex-file.”

 “When was the last time that you really were in love?”he asked. 

I explained to him my story and didn’t hold anything back. I found myself able to be incredibly honest with this man and myself for the first time in a very long time.

“Wow, he really hurt you…didn’t he? But I can tell that you two really loved each other, just by the way that you talk about him,” he said, with sincere yet sympathetic eyes. 

Coming out of my last serious relationship and being thrown not only into the dating world, but the real-world simulateneously forced me to learn to cope with more emotions than I knew I was even capable of feeling. My journey started with looking to fill the void of my ex, with things that I didn’t experience during college: regular trips to the bar and meaningless one-night stands here and there. Through it all, I’ve learned a lot about what I want and don’t want. I’ve also met some amazing women along the way who were walking in the same shoes as me. We have been there to hold each others hand through bad dates, bad jobs, really bad hang overs, and all of life’s disappointments.

Back to the conversation with the older gentleman, prior to discussing the ghosts of our relationships past, he mentioned casually that usually he didn’t date blonds. Being about as blond as you can get, I decided to pry for details as to why he was interested in me.

“There was just something about the way you carried yourself that was different, especially in women your age. There was something endearing in the way you walked, there was something very innocent and natural about it. You seemed so comfortable with yourself and who you were. There was a certain glow about you and because of that, I knew I had to talk to you,” he said.

Granted he may have just been hoping to sleep with me (for the record, he didn’t), something about his comment actually resonated with me. What he was described can be summed up in one word: confidence. I am comfortable and happy with who I am. While I may not have the life I had planned for myself several years ago, I have something better: a healthy, happy relationship with myself. I do not look in the mirror and critique all the things I’d like to change about my body. I do not restrict myself from enjoying desert, or go on excessive shopping trips to feel good about myself. I have learned the importance of doing what really makes me tick and making time for the things I know I need to feel centered and at peace. I make time to run when I feel I need the physical and mental escape, but don’t obligate myself to it daily. I spend hours on the couch vegging out with a movie and chinese food when I know I am getting burnt out. I sleep for 12 hours if I know my body needs it. I call in and take mental health days when my intuition tells me I can’t handle work. And when in my heart I know that someone isn’t right for me, I back away.  These are qualities that I did not possess two years ago when I was last in love. If it felt amazing to love someone and be loved in return in my younger, much more insecure state, I can’t imagine the joy I will feel once I experience love again.

Last night, I found myself very drunk and upset that Philly sent me a sketchy text message saying he was “just going home,” after I had invited him out so he could meet my friends. I went to his house for the first time Friday night and met him room mates, so it seemed to be an appropriate next step. Am I even sure that I want there to be a next step? I’m still trying to figure that out. After it was obvious he wasn’t going to meet up with me, I found the next group of attractive single guys at Peso’s to flirt with and of course, to give my phone number to. They were only going to be in Seattle for a week and were graduates of elite Universities from all around the country biking for a cause of some kind that clearly I was too intoxicated to now recall. Leave it to me to find a guy with the most random story and who was the most emotionally unavailable in the entire bar.

Tonight, when he didn’t call to hang out like he said he would…something inside of me snapped a little bit. I have been questioning my commitment issues this weekend, and I realize that trust is an area I am going to struggle with in the next few years. With that said, it also dawned on me that I am truly ready to be with someone again. My best friend is in a relationship where her happiness is just written all over her face. Her boyfriend is affectionate, thoughtful, and has an obvious devotion of being involved in all facets of her life. I want that and it’s refreshing to see someone I love so dearly finally find someone who deserves all that she has to offer.

This constant giddiness and love shared between them got me thinking a lot about my dating life. While I always have entertaining stories to blog about and free meals out on almost any night I want, it is getting very old. I don’t want to have to get all dolled up to see a guy. I don’t want to have to kiss with my mouth closed the next morning because I’m worried about morning breath. I don’t want to feel awkward asking questions about his past because I don’t think we are serious enough yet. I miss that comfortable feeling you share with someone when they love you unconditionally, even on your worst day. I miss staying in bed all morning without a care in the world. I miss cooking meals at home and enjoying a bottle of wine with one another. I miss having inside jokes, laughing uncontrollably, and feeling completely understood by someone else.

Sorry blog world, but 30 dates in 30 days is no longer my priority. From this moment forward, I am going to be even pickier about who I give my time to. I know I deserve it and that in order to grow in the direction that I want, I owe it to myself.

Have a happy and restful Sunday!

❤ J

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The Things We Come to Fear the Most


Fear. It is something we all live with and often fight on an ongoing basis. It is also a feeling that drives us to do things we otherwise may not do. When we are young, we are afraid of trivial things like monsters, spiders, and the dark. However once we get older, we progressively develop different worries that resonate much deeper. Having a fabulous career and earning enough money to get by, making peace with our self image, and forming meaningful opinions about our spiritual beliefs, political stance, passions, and future plans.

Lately, I’ve learned quite a bit about some of the fears I’ve developed and how they have changed immensely over the span of just a few years. While many women fear being alone more than anything, I no longer fall into that category and haven’t for quite some time now. Ironically, it is quite the opposite actually. I now am faced with the fear of commitment. To me, it is far more terrifying to date someone for even two weeks that I don’t feel instant butterflies and sparks with, than being single for the rest of my twenties. A friend of mine pointed out that I’ve been independent for so long that I’m constantly seeking “something better” in everyone that I date. While in some ways, I feel that this may come off as being selfish, I know that it is spot on. The reason that I seek something “better” isn’t necessarily superficial, though. I have dated A LOT of guys in the last two years. I’ve been exposed to many different personalities, ages, and “types.” I’m at a point where I have a pretty good ability of recognizing someone with potential when I find them. While I do believe that it takes time to build a relationship, I don’t think it should take much time for there to be an attraction. In the dating world, physical attraction is ALWAYS  the first thing that drives two people to speak. If it feels like work from the beginning and you find yourself hanging out with someone to “give them a chance,” it is likely doomed from the start.

After four dates with who I’ll refer to as “Philly (that’s his hometown),” I am feeling less and less compatible with him. While we get along well and our conversation never feels forced, sometimes, there isn’t a reason for why you aren’t feeling it…it just isn’t there. So I have two choices: I continue seeing him casually or I cut it off. He’s a good guy and I don’t want to regret it down the road if I end things now, but I also am scared of wasting time with someone that I am not sure I can see a future with.

As I get older, it is no coincidence that I get more and more picky. Being in a new city where I meet new friends on nearly a daily basis makes the idea that “the one” could be around the corner very real, prolonging my journey without question, pain, or loneliness. Knowing that I can to meet someone new at a party, bar, church, or even while walking down the street is exhilarating and makes settling for anything less than fireworks seem absolutely ridiculous. I suppose this is the traditional hopeless romantic in me. While I have become a realist and wouldn’t say I believe in love at first sight, I do believe that when I meet someone who is right for me, I will know and won’t prevent myself from falling for him. Some friends ask if I’m really just afraid of commitment and getting hurt again. While I know deep down that I am ready and want to be with someone again, I am in a place where I simply want to be sure that whoever it is that I do give my heart to deserves it. With that said, I want to care for them equally as much as they care for me. I don’t buy into the idea that it’s better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them. Maybe I want too much… I just want nothing less than being mutually crazy about each other.

I think about people who have only been in one or two serious relationships in their lifetime and I can’t help but wonder the anxiety they must feel of not knowing if they’ve dated enough. I think most people would be too afraid to confessing these feelings, but deep down I know that many couples that are high school or college sweethearts do experience this, especially when the time comes to get married. I know this because I’ve been there. I think back to myself when I was 22-years-old, nearly engaged, and while I was happy, I did wonder if I was ready. In hindsight, I can now say that I haven’t found someone better since, and despite all the jerks and bad dates I’ve been through along the way, I still believe that he is out there…somewhere.

❤ J

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Date #3: “You should be a journalist!”


Hello my dear readers,

Boy, sometimes the bad dates really make you appreciate the good ones. Not to make this a huge spoiler or anything, but I assure you this one will entertain you if you read on.

How we met: We were out at a bar last Friday night, shocking…I know. He was a mutual friend of a new girlfriend I’d been introduced to while out that same night. He mentioned he was moving downtown in the next month from Edmonds and casually said that we should hangout sometime. I didn’t think anything of it, because I don’t personally assume that every new friend I meet of the opposite sex wants to date me. I gave him my number and he texted me asking to meet up for happy hour.

The Date: We went to List in Belltown. I met him there per my usual first date rule and he was 20 minutes late. He did call to let me know he was stuck in traffic and I didn’t mind. The environment at List was pretty swanky. I took the liberty of ordering myself a glass of pinot grigio and some butter cream gnocchi off of their happy hour menu while I waited. Once he got there, we got several other plates and enjoyed a few more drinks. He made a point to mention to me that his sister was expecting her first child this weekend and that his parent’s who have been married for 40 years go walking together everyday. When it came up in conversation, he also emphasized the fact that he loves blonds and never has dated a brunette. Alrightyyyy then!? He definitely didn’t think of this as a casual meet up, but as a hardcore DATE.

The Chemistry: I hate to admit it but even from the demeanor in his voice during our brief phone call, I could tell then that there wouldn’t be chemistry. Note to self: always talk to the guy on the phone beforehand if the only time you’ve met was when you’ve been even the slightest bit intoxicated. Throughout the evening, I would’ve been bored to death if it weren’t for the awesome and flamboyantly gay bartender at the restaurant, Robert, who continued to free-pour glasses of wine for me. I filled him in that I was meeting up with someone for the first time and he knew better than anyone that these things can go either way and when they go for the worse, more glasses of wine are very necessary. All the questions he asked me were pretty generic and it was obvious he was newly single, because he just straight up told me. At the risk of sounding superficial, he was also pretty short, which just doesn’t do it for me. Hey, we all have a type…so don’t judge.

Notable Highlights: I find this to be pretty funny because I hear it all too often. Out of nowhere when we are talking about blogging actually (he asked me about things I’d done in past jobs and I mentioned I blogged and wrote a lot in past internships; definitely didn’t mention that he was going to be the victim of my latest post!), and he said…

“You know what you remind me of? A news anchor. You should be a reporter or in that industry, you’d be just perfect for it!! Has anyone ever told you that before?!”

Things got weird after this point. He had sucked down three girly looking cocktails in less than an hour and was pretty good and drunk. This is never attractive and it especially isn’t attractive to admit this after you’ve just offered to drive your date home. He also sent his friend who works at Q13 Fox a text saying how he was on a date with a girl who was “so beautiful and that he needed to meet because I should be working in TV.”

The ending: I let him drive me home to save on cab fare and had made a point to say I was tired and needed to crash early. Despite my clear signals that I wasn’t interested in him romantically, he still tried to come up and “hang out for a bit,” but I gracefully declined. Little man syndrome does exist, by the way… because this guy was driving a BIG jacked up white truck and I nearly fell out of it as I let myself out. He tried to kiss me on the cheek and I awkwardly turned away, causing him to kiss the side of my head. This morning, I woke up to several drunk text messages about how he met up with his friend from Q13 after dropping me off and he thinks that his friend dated my friend? He was very drunk and very wrong.

The Verdict: Do I even have to say it for this one? NO way would I go on another “date” with him. Would I hang out in a group with him as a drinking buddy or network with him to meet his friend who works at Q13? Sure! I too agree that I would make a lovely journalist 🙂

Random thought of the day…

I met a man on my walk over to a local coffee shop today and he offered to meet me for lunch today… just like that. Is it the way of the city to just pick women up on the street? In a way, I find it to be refreshing actually. You are sober, you can talk without music drowning out your conversation, and it isn’t intimidating. It also shows that someone has enough self confidence to talk to a stranger. He’s an older gentleman and I highly doubt that I would ever date him, but I am contemplating meeting him for a glass of wine later today…just because I’m always open to meeting new people.

In other news…

I gave notice at my current job today as well and will be taking about 3 weeks off before returning to work. Lately I have had an itch to travel, write, and spend time on myself. Working for an organization that is so sales driven and doesn’t care about it’s people just didn’t align with my personal values anymore. In the coming weeks, expect to see a lot more writing on here! I haven’t had this much time off in years and I am so excited to be able to do more of what I love.

Have a great day, blogees! 🙂

❤ J

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Date #2: Stepping Up to the Plate with Baggage.


So #2 of the 30 dates series is starting off a bit different than I’d expected it to be originally. Finally, I met someone actually worth going on a second date with…so the date that I am going to write about today is with the same guy. I guess soon I’m going to be in need of a nickname for this gentleman as well, since he might be popping up in the blog on a bit more regular of a basis..so stay tuned with that! 🙂 

From the first post in the series, you already know about how we met and the back story to an extent (refer to Date #1: Is it all a numbers game?) but there is a bit more to our first date and the dynamic of the situation than I revealed in the first post. I mentioned that I Facebook stalked him prior to our date. While there weren’t major red flags, there was an indication that there was obviously a pretty recent ex-girlfriend because of his profile pictures. I didn’t want to dive into that on a first date because it doesn’t really feel appropriate, but I was curious going into the second date what kind of baggage I was dealing with.

The Date: We were lucky to have a really nice day to share together, clear skies and perfect mid 70’s temperatures. We had tickets to the Mariner’s game for later in the evening and planned to have dinner and some drinks before hand. We walked to the waterfront, enjoyed some seafood and wine outside on the dock, and then eventually took a cab over to the stadium.

The Chemistry: The conversation this time felt a lot more casual because we’ve already learned a lot of the “basics” about one another, but I still never felt awkward or uncomfortable when there were silences…which I find to always be a good thing. Without freaking me out, he expressed interest in making future plans for activities and things to do together. He asked questions about my friends wondering what they are like, which is SO SO important to me. He is very affectionate and big on holding hands and kissing me as well, which I really like. 

Notable Highlights: So without being too awkward, I was able to bring up the ex. He was telling a funny story about hanging out with professional athletes that involved her, so I was able to ask “Oh is that the girl in all of your Facebook pictures?” Apparently they only broke up a month ago, but had been doing long-distance for six months before that. From the way the situation sounds, she’d been unfaithful and wasn’t favored very strongly by his family and friends. When it came up, he immediately assured me he was fine and wouldn’t be spending time with me if he wasn’t over it… but I obviously have my hesitations.

The good news is that we are just casually dating. I made a point after our “relationship talk” to let him know I have been single for the last two years and that I date around a lot. My fear: that he is “that guy” that always needs to have a girlfriend. The guy where it’s not so much the person he’s with that matters, but he needs to make sure he always has someone he’s with and needs to be needed. Those people definitely exist and you all know better than anyone that it’s going to take a lot for me to settle down with someone. I am staying open-minded and I could be totally wrong…but it’s going to have to feel really right for me to be exclusive with anyone. Life is too short to spend with someone you’re not head-over-heel’s for.

The Verdict: He’s persistent and wants to see me again on Friday. He mentioned that doing dinner and a movie (either in or out) would be fun, but I opted for out because I think that spending time alone at each others place is WAY too premature and “couple-ish” for a third date. I want to be cautious and take things slow, without holding back my ability in getting to know him.

In other news…

There are two other dates I will need to fill you in on in this series aside from the one that is planned for Friday in the next few days. The funny and ironic thing about this all is how excited I am to be going on a date with a new guy tonight after seeing the same guy twice in a row. That isn’t to say that I’m not into him, but I will admit that I’m realizing how terrified of commitment I’ve become. Maybe that is really why I’ve gone after the bad boys for so long? Sounds like another post to me!

Time to get ready for my happy hour date…expect updates very soon!

❤ J

 

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Date #1: Is it all a numbers game?


Date #1 was a big success! If you’ve been following my blog for a while, I’m sure you’re thinking, “It’s about time,” because I’ve been thinking the exact same thing for a while now too. How many bad dates and jerks do you have to encounter before your luck starts to change? Maybe dating really is a numbers game, just like in sales. Is the frog to prince ratio comparable to call to appointment ratios? Speed dating could possibly be the way to go?! With that minor introduction, here is the low-down on how the evening went.

How we met: I was skeptical to talk to him the day after he got my number when he texted me because I met him out at a bar like many others that I have before, and have been trying to get away from only dating “that type.” Luckily, he seemed really personable and funny even via text, so I agreed to met him for drinks. Prior to the date, I did have one condition since I’d met him in a dimly lit bar while slightly intoxicated. I asked for permission to Facebook stalk him…naturally. Fact: You may feel awkward doing it, but ladies you have a right to know who you are going out with! The good news: He respected me for being so blunt to ask, didn’t appear to have a live-in girlfriend, and was cute! The time and place was then confirmed and for the first time in a while, I had a date that I was actually quite excited for.

The date: Drinks and appetizers at ZigZag. The moment I walked in I could already tell that this place would be seriously awesome! It was tucked away right in the Post Alley area of Pike Place Market. Apparently several years ago, they had rave reviews that ranked their specialty drinks as some of the best in the country. I got there before he did and liked him already because the environment he selected was perfect! It showed he planned ahead and actually put some thought into where we’d spend a few drinks and a meal together, which I definitely appreciated.

The Chemistry: You know how some people you just click with right away and you aren’t sure why? He was definitely one of those people for me. We both are very outgoing and talkative. We ordered two small appetizers (seared tuna and bruschetta) and didn’t even finish them because we both just really had a lot to say. We talked about a little bit of everything, with the exception of bringing up past relationships in great detail. Conversation flowed seamlessly and we easily jumped from how we both studied journalism, to a mutual love of John Mayer and Dave Matthews, and everything in between. Before I knew it, we had been talking for two and a half hours.We probably would’ve stayed for longer, but we both agreed that two drinks was a good stopping point for a Wednesday night.

Notable highlights: We are in the middle of a conversation and as I glance down at the table to serve myself some of our fish, he asks “Are you looking at my hand?” Confused, I naturally tell him “No?” Turns out, he broke his hand in Vegas a few weeks ago and didn’t know it until a day or two ago. How did he break it? A cab ran into it because he was stumbling into the road when they pulled up. The cute/funny part: he didn’t want to show up meeting me for a date looking like a dweeb with a cast on. He figured it’d be better to show up and pretend to be able to eat with his left hand than risk making a bad first impression. So he’s thoughtful and also kind of a shit-show like me in Vegas…perfect! 🙂

The ending: He had offered to pick me up for the date like any gentleman should do, but I have a rule for first dates to always meet them on my own, because more times than not I have no interest in a second date. Since it was pretty clear on both ends that we were interested in one another, he offered to give me a ride home and of course I accepted. As we walked to his car, he held my hand and again, it felt very natural and unforced. As he pulled up to my building, he made sure to reiterate that he wanted to see me again soon and we shared a perfect first date kiss. It was innocent, curious, and exciting…everything that a first kiss and first date should be. I came upstairs smiling for the first time in a while where I actually really felt like I got to know a good, genuine guy.

The Verdict: Clearly, I will be seeing him again soon. We started making plans to see each other again probably just 20 minutes after he dropped me off and have been talking off and on all day. We are having a day-date on Monday to enjoy the sunshine that the weather forecast says we have coming our way. I am doing my best to allow myself to be excited without being cynical. I actually have a great feeling about this one though, so time will tell!

Happy dating, blog world! I’m off to bed.

❤ J

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30 Dates in 30 Days


Hello followers! First off, I have to apologize for being a bit quieter than usual lately. I had made a commitment to post at a minimum once a week upon starting this blog and lately things have been crazy busy, but in a good way. So what have I been so busy doing? Well…I’ve been exploring the fabulous new city in which I now reside, meeting new friends, and of course… doing LOTS of dating.

For never having been to a speed dating event and refusing to use an online dating service , I do a pretty darn good job of making sure I always have someone to go out with. Lately though, the men have honestly just been coming out of the wood-work! I’m not sure if it’s because the long Seattle winter is close to coming to an end and people are leaving their caves for the spring/summer months that are upon us, or just that I’m in a new place with lots of new faces… but I can hardly even keep up with myself these days. In the past I have also fallen victim to meeting men only in bars, but I have successfully expanded my horizons and starting meeting them in all kinds of places, including a chance encounter while doing some Sunday shopping at Pike Place Market.

Due to the sudden spike in my dating life and those of friends, we are looking to start a “30 Dates in 30 Days” series, where we review each date and give the honest truth for the potential (or lack there of) that we saw, what the date consisted of, and if we’d see them again. They will be coming from myself and several other fabulous guest bloggers that you have yet to hear from!

On my agenda tonight: a running date with a new friend (yes, we can go on girl dates too! It is important to make new friends), and a date with a cute sales manager I met last weekend…that I’m actually really excited for. 

Stay tuned for my first review! 🙂

❤ J

 

 

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Settling: Is it better than being alone?


There are many things in life that as individuals, we come to terms with sacrificing. We grow up and trade in our Harley’s for four door suburbans and our studio apartments in the city for fixer-upper starter homes. We give up our nights out with girlfriends for quiet movie nights in with a significant other. After a while, sometimes we even stop chasing our dreams when the road blocks and obstacles along the way to attaining them become too complicated to bear. While some may consider these trade-off’s to merely be sacrifices, at what point is it really just settling?

Relationships are without any question the greatest area in life which we find ourselves making sacrifices. The preferences of our significant others are critical for us to be considerate of in order to build and maintain a healthy, functioning relationship. However, this should look more like meeting in the middle, rather than molding a new life for who you are with. Think opting for sushi as your dinner selection instead of thai, because your boyfriend doesn’t like spicy food… opposed to giving up your social life completely to spend every waking second with him. Even as I write this sentence, I realize that it may strike a nerve with some readers because in relationships, both men and women do this all the time. At the end of the day though, it all depends on what YOU really want for your life and relationship. Some people really need that constant affection where they see someone everyday. Others crave having space and time apart for themselves, their life, and their hobbies. Like many people do with their first great love, I’ve been THAT girl before. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, allow me to provide you with my very own definition of what consists of being “THAT GIRL.”

THAT Girl: A girl who loses who she is to her relationship. Someone who doesn’t put herself and her life first. She takes a backseat to the man in her life, even though she won’t admit to it. She only hangs out with other couples and also only participates in activities that are “boyfriend approved.” She doesn’t have hobbies, passions, or best friends anymore. Worst of all these things, she shuts out people who care about her when they express concern in her needy behavior. If he doesn’t like her friends, she slowly cuts them out of her life. He doesn’t like her going out because she looks “too pretty for other men.” His opinion becomes her opinion. She is being controlled, but refuses to look in the mirror to see it. 

As I have grown through breakups, careers, and friendships, I have gone new places and met people that have helped in shaping the life that I now seek and expect for myself. If I were to meet the love of my life tomorrow, I still would want to have “me time.” For me personally, this includes a few things…but most importantly, having time to just be alone. It’s great if you want to hang out and keep me company while I am doing my grocery shopping for the week. However, it is another thing if you want to be together every waking second that I have. While I know companionship is one of the primary drivers behind why  we as humans crave relationships and someone to share our lives with, there is a little thing called space that does wonders for both relationships and an individuals personal growth.

In the past two years that I’ve been single, I have learned more about myself than I have in my entire life. I won’t pretend that the first year was easy at all. While I recognize that the people who come in and out of your life do each leave a footprint along your path, I am a true believer in that you only truly grow as a person when you are alone. These are the moments when we experience things that make us uncomfortable, nervous, and sometimes terrified, but we become stronger and better because of them. We are forced to set up our internet and change light bulbs by ourselves. We go single to events where everyone else is coupled off. We get scared by noises in our apartments at night and wake up alone reaching for someone who is no longer by our side to comfort us. We let friends set us up on dates because we need to “get out there again.” These are the things we never had to deal with previously and at first are extremely difficult to accept. However over time, you slowly adjust and before you even know it, you wake up one day and can’t imagine living your old lifestyle the way you once did.

I am going into such great detail to attempt addressing the stigma associated with being alone because all too often, woman fear it rather than embrace it, and ultimately find themselves settling. We tell ourselves we are getting too old and need to settle down and often start comparing our lives to the ones of those around us. Rather than enjoying our own company and holding out for men that meet our expectations, we begin dating men that are not right for us because it is “better” than being alone. Maybe he’s someone we weren’t really that attracted to from the beginning and we told ourselves we could grow to love. Maybe he’s someone with a few bad habits that we hope he can kick. Maybe he even has a track record of cheating and we convince ourselves that he would change for the right person. At the end of the day, you can’t change someone else. The more time you waste investing in someone who is wrong for you, the longer it will take for you to meet someone who is everything that you have always hoped for in another.  All you can do is be who you are and hope that you stumble across that special person who eventually grows to love all that you are unconditionally.

In what ways have you settled in a relationship? Did you date someone just so you weren’t alone? Did you feel like your life was on a timeline that you were forcing yourself to follow? And most importantly, how did your life change when you realized you deserved better?

❤ J

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