Losing a Friend to her Boyfriend.

“Stay true to yourself because there are very few people who will always be true to you.”

I saw this quote a while back, but it didn’t  resonate with me as deeply then as it did when I came across it again today. True friends are so hard to find and if you have a few good ones you should consider yourself to be incredibly blessed. A fair-weather friend will spend time with you when its convenient for them, but a real friend will drive out of their way to meet you for drinks when you’ve had a bad day at work. They will answer your call when it’s 1 am and you are hysterical about a fight you got into with a boyfriend. They will help you get rid of clothes you haven’t worn in a decade when preparing to move. They will go to a reality TV show casting call with you, even though it’s just for fun when she’d rather be sitting at home eating mac and cheese while watching TV in her flannel pajamas.Yes, I auditioned for the Bachelor this week. That actually happened, but it was just for research, of course! 🙂

If four months ago you would’ve told me that one of my best friends would no longer be part of my life, I would’ve said you were out of your mind. While the men I meet seem to come and go as freely as the wind these days, my girlfriends, my everything, have thankfully been the one constant that I need in my life the most. In relationships maybe you don’t know someone until you live with them, but in girl world…you don’t know a friend until she has a boyfriend.

I find it more heartbreaking than any situation I’ve been in with a guy in the last year two years that a friend would just drop her life and her “best friends” the second the first guy comes along who doesn’t want to just hook up and send her home. It’s funny how you think you know someone so well, but then one variable in their life changes and they are a completely different person. I think back to a conversation my former best friend and I had several months ago.

“Oh my god…if you get a boyfriend before me please don’t ditch me. I will kill you,” she said.

“Never! I’ve been down that road before, I’ll never be that person ever again,” I replied.

It doesn’t matter how much you talk about being independent, confident, and strong. It is what you do in your everyday life to prove the truth of these statements that really counts. The people you surround yourself with truly are a reflection of who you are. As our priorities and values change, so do the people we spend our time with. I suppose that we grow apart from friends naturally for this very reason from time to time. However, when someone blatantly  makes a choice to end a friendship because their boyfriend doesn’t care for you, it is pretty clear where their loyalties really are. At the end of the day, I’m glad it happened. Settling doesn’t just go for dating, but for friendships as well.  My time is valuable and I only wish to share it with people who are genuine, ambitious, and have integrity. People like me. It hurts me to see someone I love so much making the choices she is. While I don’t support her actions, I understand where they are coming from because far too many women commit the cardinal sin of forsaking their best friends for a guy. I really am just more disappointed than anything else, because I thought she knew better than this at her age.

Ironically, the idea for Taking the Break out of Break up was born when a fellow blogger had dinner with a friend who she hadn’t seen in over a year because she had been in a relationship. What happens to those women when the relationships end? They feel more alone than they’ve ever felt in their life, not because they lost a fabulous relationship…but because they gave up the people they cared about along the way when they never had to in the first place. Just like men, these girls always come back at one point or another. They only can hope their friends are still there to catch their fall when it happens.

❤ J

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