We’re Not in Kansas Anymore

All things in life to an extent are ruled by time. Our daily schedules are consumed with alarms, appointments, chores, and obligations. In some areas of our lives we have the ability to be more flexible about certain things than others. Move that hair appointment to next week because something came up? No problem. Jump into a relationship right after ending one? Not so easy.

Recently I met someone who is truly a wonderful person. He is kind, friendly, and as far as I can tell thus far the epitome of a gentleman. Southern hospitality is not a myth, Washintonian’s! 🙂 He just moved here all the way from Kansas and has tons of friends already because he is outgoing and incredibly social.

We met at my favorite bar about a month ago and exchanged phone numbers but I never heard from him. About two weeks ago, he friend requested me on Facebook and low and behold, he was in a relationship with a girl back home. He invited me to come play volleyball with a group of his friends, but I decided not to go. Yes, men and women can be just friends. However, when you are obviously attracted to one another…it’s a bad idea. In a matter of a few days, I noticed he changed his relationship status to “single.” I hate to admit that I got really excited when I saw it.He text me later that week inviting me to a house warming party at his place. Since he was now on the market, I figured it was a safe situation and went with a few of my girlfriends…and here we are.

This weekend, we had the talk. Normally, it is dating taboo to ask anything along the lines of “what are you looking for?” or “where is this going?,” however in the circumstances where the situation presents itself, you have to take full advantage. After a conversation about women approaching men at bars, I’d filled him in on my dating style of being old fashioned and being pursued by men rather than chasing them, I received a reaction different than what I’d expected.

“Man…every time I hang out with you I like you more and more,”he said, with a sigh.

“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.

Turns out…for him it may be. The girl he recently split from was the first girl he ever loved. He moved out here because he wanted to live in a different city and go somewhere new. I don’t know many details of their relationship, but I can’t help but wonder why it ended. In my mind, if you love someone you would live even in Antarctica to be together. My sister is in the process of relocating to Alabama and in the back of her mind knows that if her boyfriend doesn’t offer coming with her, he doesn’t value their relationship enough to make it last.

Maybe he wanted out of the relationship, maybe she didn’t want to go with him, there are a lot of possible situations. What matters is that now I have this man in front of me that is sweet, easy-going, and real, expressing that he’s very interested, but that he wishes he met me at a different time. I feel like the universe has been messing with my life far too often in the last year. Literally every guy I meet of substance has just broken up with someone. Is it because the man to woman ratio of eligible bachelor’s is that skewed? Or do I just attract commitment-phobes? Is timing really that important when it comes to dating? Personally, I think if you had “normal break-up circumstances (whatever that is),” when you meet the right person, nothing else matters. Clearly when you are 26-years-old, attractive, and new to this side of the country, you probably don’t want to be tied down. However, as people by nature we crave companionship. Is the “I just got out of a relationship” pitch nothing but an excuse to be a man whore?

Bottom line is that everyone has to deal with things on their own terms and you absolutely need time just for yourself when coming out of a relationship. Our paths are likely continuing to cross as we are somewhat in the same social circle, I am going to do my best to keep it casual, light, and just go with the flow. It is never awkward when I see him because we both are so talkative and outgoing. It is almost more awkward for our friends I think because it is so obvious how into each other we are. One thing is for sure though with this one, we are NOT in Kansas anymore…

❤ J


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